Bondage gear + paper shredding

My two favorite things in the American Idol road cases are Dee Dee's laminator and Geoff's shredder, followed by our shot glass collection and the talking Moses doll. If only I could laminate some shreds and do shots with Moses. I realized recently that we had files on last year's ticket sales sitting in the case, forms I'd diligently printed up and filed away. They were now just taking up space and not the least bit useful.

"Can I shred these?" I asked Geoff.

Geoff, aware of my feelings about shredding, grinned and said, "Have at it."

He knew my question could also be translate as since we don't have a hot stone massage therapist in the room, do you mind if I shred for an hour to achieve the same zen-like results?

Periodically we'd have to send the runner out for shredder lube, which always made me giggle a little ON THE INSIDE. I'm much cooler and sophisticated than that on the outside. The little shredder was delicate and would get clogged up since it can only do one sheet at a time under normal circumstances. When it clogged, I liked to blame Dee Dee behind her back.

"Was Dee Dee in here trying to shred two pages at once?"

Or worse.

"Did Dee Dee try to shred a paper clip?"

Dee Dee never knew that I was blaming her behind her back, but don't feel sorry for her, because Dee Dee got me back when she sat in the office and did her shredding IN BONDAGE GEAR. I'm not sure that I can ever look at her the same again.

The gear was an end of tour gift from the truck drivers, she protested. That makes it better? And she promised them that she'd wear it on the last night, when many of the crew dresses up in costume. Which, okay, fine but don't look to me for sympathy when you are complaining about how hard it is to type with chains clinking on the keyboard.