Bad karma shirt

Today I woke up and mentally recapped the night before in New York: Wine, more wine, enchiladas, Guinness, more Guinness, Times Square chicken-on-a-stick, minibar M&Ms, minibar Kit Kat, not enough water, not enough sleep.

So I'm not feeling all that well this morning. I should have immediately pounded water, swallowed a handful of vitamins, and jumped in the shower when I woke up. Instead I skipped the shower, pulled my hair into a ponytail and sprayed on perfume. I cut the neck out of the Cincinnati, Ohio shirt that our promoters offered me from a charity donation box and went to work.

I walked into the promoters' office and they said, "Look what she did to the shirt we gave her! She destroyed our present to her!"

"Your present!" I said. "You stole this from an orphan!"

"They aren't orphans," they said. "Just poor."

"You are not helping," I said, guilt setting in.

So, yeah, I'm an asshole but at least I get to look like Flashdance's Jennifer Beals, minus the flawless skin and ability to weld steel.